Talk:Reset 1332/@comment-30144972-20180607222724
Analysis: Grammar: 0/10 * "I created my roblox account a few years ago, I didn't know much about the game back then." is a comma splice. Instead of using a comma, try using a semicolon or a period. * You should capitalize "roblox" as "Roblox", as it's a proper noun. This error appears throughout the story. * Though not necessary, don't start your sentences with conjunctions ("and", "but", "or", etc.) ** "But, I enjoyed roblox..." should have its beginning conjunction removed or joined together with the sentence "I didn't know much about the game back then." ** "And, he had a game called 'The library'." also receives the same treatment because of the misplaced comma. However, the ellipsis (the "...") should have some tweaking in order to have the story flow nicely. ** "So I clicked on the roblox icon..." should also receive the same treatment. * "Rumors" is improperly capitalized in this sentence: "At the time, Rumors spread about a mysterious hacker..." * "So" is improperly capitalized in this sentence: "I didn't know much about him, so I decided to look up his account and see his games." * "What I found, Still runs chills down my spine." has three types of errors. ** 1. Misuse of comma. Take out the comma ** 2. Verb disagreement. The phrase "Runs chills down my spine" isn't grammatically correct. Instead, it should be "Run chills down my spine." This is because the subject is a plural noun, and therefore the verb doesn't have the "s" when describing the subject. ** 3. The word "still" is improperly capitalized. ** Fixing the mistakes, the sentence should now be this: "What I found still run chills down my spine." * "It said he had been banned before about 83 times..." has two types of errors. ** 1. Dangling modifiers. A dangling modifier is when the adjective, verb, or phrase is incorrectly placed, making the sentence confusing to read. This includes the phrases "before" and "on games". ** 2. Run-on sentence. This is when the sentence has two subjects, yet they are not separated by a comma with a conjunction, a period, or a semicolon. ** Fixing the mistakes, the sentence should now be this: "It said he had been banned about 83 times before for bribing players on games to come into his house, and he would then kill them with a knife." * "Admins say he was hacking to give him knifes and guns, I think so too..." has two types of errors. ** 1. Run-on sentence. See above. ** 2. "Knifes" should be "knives". * "Library" in the sentence "And, he had a game called 'The library'." should be capitalized. * "So" is improperly capitalized in this sentence: "I explored it and it seemed like a normal library, So I didn't spend much time on the game." * "You couldn't see very well and you walked very slow." should have a comma in between the words "well" and "and", as both phrases have their own subject. * Another run-on sentence: "I was starting to get nervous when 'Reset1332' Joined, He was there for about 5 seconds, Chatted ':)', and left." ** In addition, the words "He" and "Chatted" are improperly capitalized. * ANOTHER run-on sentence: "After he left, There was a old fashioned wooden double-door, I walked over to it." ** The word "a" should be "an" when you have it next to a word that starts with the sound of a vowel. "An old fashioned wooden double-door." ** The word "There" is improperly capitalized. This goes for the same for the next sentence. * ANOTHER RUN-ON SENTENCE: "On the other side, There was this brick hallway that seemed endless, Once I got to the end, There was this white man." ** Improper capitalization once again with "Once" and "There". * In the phrase "He didn't talk at all but when I walked up to him my computer froze", it should have some commas between "all" and "but", and "him" and "my". ** Also, IT'S A RUN ON SENTENCE AAAAH. "...my computer froze, It froze for about 15 seconds." * Dangling modifier in this sentence: "When it started working again, It said 'You made a mistake :)'." What's it talking about: the computer or the white man? ** Also, "It" is improperly capitalized. * In your next phrases, "I took a break from roblox for awhile..." and "I felt like I could get back on roblox since I hadn't played in awhile", you're using the word "awhile" incorrectly. The word "awhile" is an adverb, being used to describe verbs. I believe what you meant to use was "a while". * In the sentence: "My computer seemed to be working normally and everything was fine, I felt like I could get back on roblox since I hadn't played in awhile" is another RUN-ON SENTENCE AAAAH. * The sentence "So I clicked on the roblox icon and it took longer than usual to load, Once it loaded, A jumpscare popped up and scared me really bad, But after that, Roblox seemed fine." is also a bad run-on sentence. * The sentence "Until just 28 days, that was odd because that was how old my roblox account was when I found out about 'Reset1332'." is worded extremely terribly, since it uses both present tense from the sentence's beginning branch and its past-tense verbs. * The word "My" is improperly capitalized in this sentence: "After that, My computer shut down and wouldn't turn back on." * This is a wall of text; separate the story into small paragraphs. Originality: 5/10 * These “hacker users” stories are all the same, really. ** Obligatory find the user by rumor, or encounter the user in game. ** Obligatory hacker user crashes the game via error ** Obligatory hacker user finds the user in real life. * Despite that, the story stayed relatively unique, I guess. Though, I wish there were more aspects I could take away and remember from this story. The story is a bit bland due to the predictable nature of this genre of creepypastas. Plot: 4/10 * How does the narrator know about what the admins said in the topic of “Reset1332”? On the forums, or on his bio? * Assuming the narrator already knows about the nature of “Reset1332”, what incentive did the narrator have for going onto his games if he were to make the inference that Reset1332 is a hacker? Simply having the incentive of not knowing doesn’t cut it. You need to have a reason for the narrator’s curiosity. Some examples are as follows. ** “I doubt that Reset1332 was a real hacker, though. All the rumors about him are too extreme to be true.” ** “I had an interest for Roblox hackers, and I wanted to see what about him was so interesting to talk about.” * Referencing the image caption, you implied that you saw “Reset1332” when he joined the game. Yet, you kept to very vague in the story. Did the narrator see “Reset1332”, or was it on the leaderboard? You should have more emphasis on that particular part of the story. * About the phrase “There was an old wooden double-door”, did the door suddenly appear after “Reset1332” left, or did the narrator find the door? * How would you notice that said door was unlocked? Did you meant to say that the door was ajar (open)? * What was the reason the narrator took a long four-month break from Roblox? * What was the jumpscare? * To be fair, the narrator wouldn’t realistically remember such an observation that his or her account’s age was 28 days when he or she met “Reset1332”. * What did the narrator investigate in order to come to the conclusion that “Reset1332” was behind this error? * Realistically, the narrator would’ve contacted the Roblox email about the glitch to see if they could fix it? Perhaps you could include a detail in the creepypasta, where you tried to contact Roblox via email, but they haven’t responded. * How old is the narrator during the time where he finds the letter? If he or she were a kid, it wouldn’t be realistic for him or her to move. If their narrator was very old, it wouldn’t be realistic too, since the narrator most likely wouldn’t have been playing Roblox two years ago. Empathy: -/10 * I will review this later. Thrill: -/10 * I will review this later. FINAL SCORE: -/10